Blogger's Block

I have been putting this post of for 5 days.  Somehow, I feel I cannot move forward in my blogging until I finish my Prop 8 posting.  I have been posting about Yes on 8 for 3 months and it passes and I have posted nothing.  I wanted to just put a link to my Mother-in-Laws post as she is an excellent writer.  However,  I intend this blog to be a family journal so I want to bring some closure to Prop 8 and give the outcome in my own words (even if my words are not as good).  As time passes it becomes more and more difficult to write this post.  My emotions run deep.  I am going to attempt write it now so I can move on with other "FUN" post like bday stuff!

First I want to say thank you to all of those who made hundreds of phone calls, knocked on doors, passed out info, attended many meetings, donated money and time, stood on street corners, had eggs (and other stuff) thrown at them or profanities yelled at them, had cars and property violated and stood for the things they felt to be right. 

I will apologize first for my horrific writing skills.  I try to keep my writing to a minimum on my blog and let the pictures do the talking.  I have a very difficult time putting my thoughts down.  (My scores on papers in college improved dramatically when I started dating Matt and he became my editor LOL) The process becomes even more painful when the topic of my writing is emotional for me.  Prop 8 is VERY emotional for me.  You may be wondering why I am not celebrating the victory of Prop 8 passing.  It does not feel like a victory to me when I see so many people in pain and so much suffering. It seems that both sides can agree that the outcome has been painful. The night of the election I anxiously watched the TV as the votes came in.  I wanted it to pass and in the morning when I heard it passed by 52% I was relived.  However, the joy that I expected to feel was not there.  I could not celebrate when I knew that some people's dreams had been taken and that part  CA was sad to hear the news of Prop 8 passing.  I have always felt compassion for the other side of this debate.  I know that many on the No side "feel" that voting YES steals away their dreams.  One thing I have come to know as I have gotten older is that "our" dreams are often imperfect as we are and do not fit into God's eternal plan for us.  As time passed and my TV screen, Internet, email, and face book became filled with images of hate and intolerance towards the LDS church my heart grew heavy.  Then to have the Lord's temple (in my area) closed to those who wanted to worship because of protesters... the weight of my sadness increased.  I see anger everywhere and can feel the hate around me.  I know this is Satan at work.  I have never felt any hateful feelings towards the gay community.  I never wanted to hurt them.  I did not vote YES to take anything away from anyone I voted YES to protect family to keep the definition of marriage the same as it has always been.  I voted YES because with all my heart I believe that marriage is a sacred covenant between a man a women and God.  I believe that  family needs both a Mother and a Father.  I have a right to vote for the things I believe to be true and to stand for the things I value.  I wish I could exercise those rights without being hated for my beliefs.  I see that many gay people are hurt and sad because they fell a right has been taken from them.  I learned in a college psychology class that anger is not a true feeling but a action to the real feeling which is pain.  So, as I watch these angry people protest at sacred places I try to remind myself that really they are just sad people.  When I receive hurtful emails and messages I try to understand where the pain is coming from.  I can honestly say that I have not felt any hate or anger at any point during this processes but I have felt a lot of pain and sadness.  I feel like the LDS people (only 2% of 52%) are being treated with intolerance and are being hated by the very people who are asking for tolerance and love.  The entire thing seems very backwards and I can see that the prophecy of good appearing as evil and evil appearing as good has come too pass during this time in CA.  I am happy that for now CA, FL and AZ have voted to keep marriage between man and woman.  I do no think this fight is over so I will continue to go and do the things the Lord commands even if the world (or my family and friends) cannot understand it.  I will stay true to the things I believe and hold sacred and I hope that one day my children will be proud.